When I Move Out

It has been nearly 28 months since Morgan's diagnosis of diabetes.

I will not even begin to count the number of finger sticks he has had in order to check his blood sugar levels. I will not even begin to count the number of injections/infusion sets he has had in the past 28 months.

I could probably count the number of times he has forgotten to check his blood sugar before he ate or I could count the number of times he has forgotten to bolus for something he ate 1-2 hours earlier.

I feel like Nagging Nellie when I remind him to check his blood sugar, or the ever present question in the morning, on the way to school "Did you bolus for your breakfast?" Or the question asked everyday after school "How were your numbers today?"

He has never asked me to back off, or told me "Mom I can handle this." I program his pump; all of the basal rates, insulin to carb ratios, insulin sensitivities....everything. But, I always pull him in and tell him what I did and why. I still check his blood sugar in the middle of the night, when I feel the need. It is only a couple of times a month now, nothing like it was early in diagnosis when sleep was something I only vaguely knew.

The past 6-7 months have probably been the most difficult for me to deal with regarding diabetes and I don't really know why. His blood sugar levels are actually pretty easily managed, thanks to the "spot on" rates I have programmed in to the ever present Minimed 722. We are in the full throws of puberty, but his last A1c was 7.0% so we are doing a great job of maintaining.

It could be that MY own honeymoon with diabetes has worn off. I don't research the net as much as I did before, looking for ways to handle post basketball highs and lows....I know how to handle them. I am not researching insulin pumps...He loves MM722. I am not reading up on Section 504.... been there, done that, have one. CGMS?...he doesn't want any part of that.

I am not a newbie anymore.

What I have been doing is reading about people who live with this, day-in and day-out. Reading about their daily struggles and triumphs; coming to the realization that this is for real, this is for life, this is forever. I always try to maintain a positive attitude regarding diabetes, especially in front of Morgan. Getting down about isn't going to help him one bit and I don't want him to adopt a 'poor me' attitude.

In reading the many blogs and forums, I have found many wonderful people from the diabetes online community (D-OC). People like my wonderful SIL who have helped me muddle through the first year of the diagnosis fog, those who unknowingly helped me thrive, grow and become more confident in the second year and who I am sure will also unknowingly help guide me through the teen years of dealing with diabetes and beyond! Thank you!

I asked Morgan a while back "When do you want me to hand this diabetes stuff over to you? When do you want me to back off?"

His response: "When I move out."

I know even when he does move out, I will never be free of worrying about diabetes because neither will he and maybe that is why it has been so difficult.